At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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