Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
