Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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