i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
