You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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