Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
