It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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