God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
pray to the hookup gods
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
