She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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