so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
