STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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