Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
