Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
