you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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