Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize