Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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