I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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