you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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