these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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