She is in my trunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
