dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
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WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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