I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
