we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
