going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
