; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
