Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
