this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
