I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Drake has all the answers
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
