You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
