last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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