I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
