he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize