Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
