I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
