I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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