So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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