Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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