my mouth tastes like poor choices
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
