I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
