I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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