Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
