I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
