I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
