Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
