Me too!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
home. puking in laundry basket.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
