Your mouth is God's brothel.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
