By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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