i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
