You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
