Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
