Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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