Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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