I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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