Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
