The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
