I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
