Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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