I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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