Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
