I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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