They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
