The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
