I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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