I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
