He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
