i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
