just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
