The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize