I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize