Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
tell me about the fingering
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