bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
