i would punch a child for taco bell
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
