How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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