Dual....:-)
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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