You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
