You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
